You found a match on an online dating site and you’ve been exchanging emails for the past couple of weeks. It seems to be going very well and you think it’s time you ask her for an actual date. So you ask for her number and she gladly gives it to you.
You’re filled with excitement as you begin to create your very first text messages in your head. You ask her to meet for dinner and she says yes.
So what do you do in the mean time? You’ve become so enthralled with the idea of this potential romantic partner that you barrage her with all the questions you can think of.
But stop right there. What’s the hurry?
Do you want to give her the idea that you’re desperate? Or that you’re a PI and you want to know everything about her? Stop right there!
Even when she does give you the “right” answers, it’s so easy for someone to say the right things when they have the time to think before pressing send. It actually promotes a sense of false connection – you can never really know if you have chemistry until you finally meet.
For example, you ask her where she went to school. So she tells you, “I actually grew up in Philadelphia but I studied college in NYU.” Great! So you got that information.
But you can also get it from her “About Me” page in any of her social media accounts. Asking her about menial things will give you the right responses, but it takes away the human connection of an actual face to face conversation.
So you finally meet each other and you’re having dinner. After the small talk about the weather, complimenting her about how nice she looks, and after you’ve ordered, there’s a surprising silence that engulfs the date.
Do you know why?
Because you have nothing else to ask her! You’ve already asked every single question you can think of when you barraged her with text messages!
Can you just imagine if you ask the questions again, like “Where did you study again?” It gives off the impression that you weren’t paying attention to her reply, so say goodbye to that could-have-been useful icebreaker.
Imagine if you didn’t ask her that question. She could tell you she grew up in Philadelphia but studied in NYU in New York because it was always her dream to live in the Big Apple. You can then follow it up with other questions like, “Why New York?” or “So did your dreams come true?” and plenty of other follow-up, open-ended questions that could have lasted well into the night.
And the little things of face to face conversations like eye contact, body language, or a simple smile could’ve created the spark you were anticipating.
Now, all you have is silence instead of fireworks. And it’s all because you got too excited and dug into her past before you even saw each other. Which is also one of the reasons why so many relationships fail these days – you skip before you can walk.
Before the age of text messages, a man would ask for a girl’s number, call her after a few days, and set a date for the week after. In today’s age, you can already be in a relationship in that span of time.
So before you start typing text after text on your phone, it may be smarter to funnel that excitement to your first date. There’s power in silence.
Keep her excited by making yourself look calm, nonchalant, and mysterious – even when you’re feeling fireworks inside and can’t wait to meet her.